There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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