Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
