so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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