either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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