there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
