so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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