Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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