Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
