nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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