I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
