Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
