i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
