i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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