id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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