i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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