the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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