I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
