Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
