Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
