do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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