Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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