she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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