I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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