EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
