His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
