She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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