theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
