The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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