brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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