if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
