I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
