Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
