Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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