I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
