i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
