walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
