a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize