'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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