she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
