She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
