you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
