I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
