What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
