I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
