I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
