If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Randomize
