sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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