I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
