apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
