I think I am morally bankrupt
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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