she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
