I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
