it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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