your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You work out of a Hotel?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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