I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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