I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
