I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
