having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Are we still banned from the library?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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