no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize