it wasn't lemon gatorade
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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