these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
