Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
