dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
