Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
