Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
