I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
