I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
