and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
worst night to have a conscience
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have tasted many bathrooms
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
