so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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