Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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