It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How does it feel to date your dad?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
