I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
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BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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