i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
