Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
