someone get that fucking seahorse.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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