Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
