just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
