i need an iv and a liver transplant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
