I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
